I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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