the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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