I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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