she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
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you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
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I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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