you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You're a waste of cheezeits
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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