Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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