people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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