my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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