I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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