tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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