we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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