Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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