Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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