Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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