Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize