i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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