Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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