my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
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Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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