so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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