mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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