I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
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and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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