The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize