is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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