I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize