PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
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I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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