I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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