got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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