i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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