You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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