My nipple is on Facebook.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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