How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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