dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
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he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
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Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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