Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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