I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
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We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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