My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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