dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize