So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
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blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
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You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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