i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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