C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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