Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
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this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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