Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize