You're so nebulous sometimes
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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