my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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