btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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