remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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