I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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