I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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