From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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