when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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