please come you make the beer taste better
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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